Written on: December 19, 2017
by Elisa Coleclough
Well known is the fact that if you lead people, you influence people. What a better way than doing it honestly and being that example for your children, family, followers, team, friends, etc find appealing. It is a continuous process though, if you want to become a better example you need to work constantly on yourself.
As I have already said in other blogs, people do what people see. If you are in a position of leadership whether this is a formal role or not, you are visible, because there has never been a leader which has remained unheard of, unseen or unknown. They are visible and are held accountable for their beliefs, thoughts but above all for their behaviors.
Along my career I have come across two types of leaders: appointed, those that want to have the title in an organization (and of course all the benefits) but they do not work to keep themselves to the level, and those that are leaders because the way they facilitate and help others with their activities. What a great combination when you have the willing to help others and facilitate their growth in the position with the official title. 70% of the times, it does not happen whatsoever.
♥As Mahatma Gandhi said, you have to be the change you want to see in the world♥
Let’s take a closer look at those that are naturally and effortlessly influencing others. First of all they are helping other people, standing right next to them and facilitating their job, situation, etc. usually, they look for common ground with others and bring value to their life.
This kind of people are that way in all aspects of their life, because it is impossible that you switch masks and suddenly become a person interested in well-being from 9 to 6. Let’s face it, you can do that but it is absolutely fake. People around sense “fake”, it is that a coherent behavior, values and examples are across people’s lives. It is the way, he/she handles with the people to whom they are not obliged to do, is what truly define them.
Give you a personal example, when I was younger, and dating different guys, I looked for certain behaviors, and I paid close attention to the way the guy would handle himself with strangers. It is that someone who is polite with treat politely and respectfully from the janitor of the building to the owner of the company, actions speak louder than words. In my rule of thumb, guys who were kind to waiters, janitors, people providing directions, etc., were adorable in many other aspects, because they were authentic, genuinely kind from heart and that is something you cannot fake, not with everyone.
Just like Abraham Lincoln once said:
♠You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time♠
The same happens to people in visible leadership positions. I think I already commented in another blog that I admired a lot the CEO of a former company I worked for, he knew everyone’s names and treated everyone with sincere respect. Everyone would buy-in for him, why? He was coherent with what he asked for and how he himself modeled the expected behaviors.
It is that very same aspect in which we should all work actively on. Is it that we have to perfect? no, not at all. Because actually modeling behaviors is a matter of increasing consciousness. Expand your awareness and consciousness and your actions will change, thus your results.
Additionally, when we become a better version of ourselves, it reflects in our quality of life, the people around us, our relationships, from acquaintances, to work, friends, family, relatives and the most important of them all, the relationship with ourselves.
We need to remember the educational system teaches us what to think, but not how to think. Teaches us to learn pre-modeled answers, but does not necessarily teaches us how to handle emotions with intelligence. The latter is entirely up to us to work on, usually when we are adults already and we find that there is an upgraded version of ourselves somewhere hidden in our mind…we know it, but we are not sure how to access it.
Well, it can be accessed thru coaching. Look at those successful ladies and gents who hold visible roles in politics, economics, corporations, etc., they must likely have invested much of their time in coaching their own abilities. Because there is a level in which you can be a genius but if you do not possess emotional intelligence to deal with people and challenges you either become crazy and crack under pressure or get mentally ill.
Some subject matter experts say that 70% of the illnesses of our time are due to low self-esteem, lack of confidence, poor quality of life, and stress. It is as if the mind would have total control over us and tell us what to think, feel or act. Through coaching the mind becomes a servant to us, our expanded consciousness is in control of or emotions, thoughts, feelings, body reactions.
Finally, just let me bring you some history background on coaching: It was actually during 1800 that the term “coaching” started being used in the sports context. Some part of the story tells that it was actually first used in Oxford University in relation to the tutor, teacher, facilitator or manager who was in charge of handling and developing the skills of a sports team.
It is actually very important to understand that it was around 1960’s when the term coaching started being used around business and leadership. Today, it is a buzz word, just a few understand really what it is and its uses.
Furthermore, let me summarize some clarifications of what coaching is and is not:
Coaching is like having a best friend? Well, no, certainly not at all because a coach is not emotionally engaged with you and is not allowed to produce advice or be judgmental and is 100% confidential. It is a safe environment to work on your shortcomings, fears, insecurities, etc.
Coaching vs. counselling and therapy. Coaching is proactive and counselling is reactive. Coaching focuses on where you are today and you want to be in the future while counselling and therapy focus on past issues mainly to unlock deep emotional problems.
Coaching vs. facilitating and training. Guiding someone through a process, a curricula or content already available is not coaching is facilitating. Training process is linear with a step by step.
In a nutshell coaching is committed to make the person 100% successful by increasing mind awareness and working on behaviors.
I sincerely hope this post leaves you thinking, I encourage you to google some of the concepts I have summarized above and decide for yourself, that maybe a new year’s resolution should be to work on yourself.
Wish you a happy Holidays and I appreciate very much if you could drop a comment below. Eli